Katakolon, Olympia, and a Day at Sea

Our final stop in Greece would be the port of Katakolon. This small port is a 30 minute drive from the city of Olympia, site of the first Olympics roughly 82,314 years ago, or somewhere in that range. Before leaving the boat, we met up with Dave and Brittany again and discussed plans. After our recent experience with the roads in Mikonos, we were hesitant to rent a car, even though this place looked much more civilized than anything we’d seen so far. There seemed to be quite a few buses headed to Olympia, so we chose one at random and climbed aboard a surprisingly modern bus. After waiting an extra 15 minutes, the bus took off.

We quickly noticed a difference in this part of Greece. There were nice houses on the side of the road, the road was in good shape, and it was wide enough. There were still reminders of this being a country in the midst of a major financial meltdown though. Like in Mykonos, there were quite a few buildings under construction, but without anyone doing any constructing, and a number of buildings/houses that seem to have been abandoned. There were also large piles of trash everywhere. We supposed there is a very real possibility the country’s waste management has been shut down or cut significantly.

Pile of Trash

After a nice drive, we found ourselves in Olympia with 2 hours to see what there was to be seen. The weather was just like what we experienced in Santorini; a still and wet heat that caused our clothes to stick to us uncomfortably. There are ruins in Olympia, just like the sort of thing everyone who thinks of Greece first pictures in their head but we had not experienced yet, despite being in Greece for 3 days to this point. We walked about a mile down a path with no shade, and payed 9 Euros each for the right to view these ruins.

Easily the most interesting ruin

Things about ruins:
- Ruins are structures that are often very old, and certainly not in any kind of working order - Unless you have a very good idea of what these ruins once were, what they were used for, or how they might have looked in their original form, they are often not much to look at
- If you climb on some ruins, as Dave did, you will be yelled at immediately and made to feel as though you are the worst person ever

We were hot and extremely uncomfortable. There was no shade, and we were not very sure what we were looking at a lot of the time. There were small plaques with extremely dull and often useless information posted every now and then, that I felt represented a missed opportunity.

A Building of Some Kind

Dave and I very excited about ruins

These ruins everyone was walking around seeming very unimpressed by could've been made so much more interesting if each was accompanied by maybe a guide explaining in detail what everything once was, how it was used, and with large scale pictures of how they must have looked 2000+ years ago. This place held large scale athletic competitions 2000 years or more before anyone in Europe even knew North and South America existed!!! This place is amazing, but it was apparently setup by the least creative people on the planet! We walked past a 10’ x 20’ hole in the ground accompanied by a plaque that stated simply “This hole was discovered to have dated back as far as 4000 BC” and nothing else. There’s probably a great story there about what it was once used for, and how it must have originally looked. You could even give everyone some context about how it’s older than anything any of us had likely ever seen ever! Like I said, just all sorts of missed opportunities at “interesting” here. I love history and generally appreciate the scale of time and all that, but this place bored me to tears.

When we could bear no more heat and piles of rocks with no context, we exited the Olympic area and went back to town for food and hopefully air conditioning. Kim and I found a nice looking restaurant that turned out to be run by Australians for some reason, and sat down in the shade and under misters for a great meal of calamari and pizza. We walked around the town a bit more and found hilariously pornographic dinnerware, coasters and glassware that seemed somehow historically significant. We debated posting pictures of these things on the blog, but decided it’d be funnier if everyone just searched for them on their own personal computers. If you don’t feel like searching, just picture very crudely drawn, 2D people graphically performing every sex act you can think of, then imagine that on a plate or a coaster, then imagine a ridiculous price tag on it. The bus picked us up on the curb next to the bizarrely normal looking store selling these things almost exclusively. On the drive back to the port, we saw the same piles of trash and abandoned construction sites mixed with very nice looking houses and beautiful countryside that reminded us of Santa Barbara.

Kind of Looks Like California Right?

We had a couple more hours to kill before our boat would set off again, so we took another dip in the ocean. The beach in this case wasn’t quite as large and not nearly as picturesque as we had experienced in Greece to this point, but the water wasn’t boiling, which was all we really cared about. The highlight of this beach for me was the fish that would nibble at your legs and feet if you dare stood still for more than 10 seconds.

The next day, and our last day on the cruise, would be very uneventful. Kim and I would lay out next to the pools for awhile, before heading to a lower deck to get out of the sun, relax, read, nap, and play shuffleboard. That’s pretty much all that happened.

Things that happened on at some point during the cruise that I forgot to mention:
- We went to a Teppan grill on the boat where we met a family from Malta, which is a very small island nation just south of Sicily
- Kim and I dressed up for no particular reason that night. I wore my suit and she wore a pretty dress

- I missed my opportunity to win the Karaoke world championships on our cruise because we forgot to change our clocks when we got to Greece
- Dave, Brittany, Kim and I played UNO at some point
- Dave and I were beaten badly at ping pong by a cocky American teenager
- There were art auctions every day on our boat where people paid crazy prices for paintings that didn’t look super amazing in our opinion
- One of the bartenders learned my name and started having our drinks ready before we even asked
- Kim is an amazing shuffleboard player and is looking into a professional career
- I changed into my bathing suit behind a wall because I couldn’t find a restroom
- We saw Greek tagging everywhere that made me think of fraternities and sororities
- We met a family of Australians in Mykonos who taught us about Australian rugby
- There was a TV channel on our cruise that played exclusively Premier League soccer and Australian Rugby 24 hours a day
- I did not get sea sick once!
- We had sushi 5 times
- The cruise casino only accepted American dollars
- Our room was made up every time we left it for more than an hour
- The general store on the cruise had a stupidly large selection of jewelry, about 2/3 of the available space
- The bars ran out of Pina Colada mix on cruise day two!!!

That’s all I can think of right now.

Mykonos

Getting out of bed at a reasonable hour was not on our list of priorities for this day. So, we did not.

From the Boat

Mykonos is apparently known for its clubs and parties. So, obviously, allowing us to roam between the hours of 8am and 5pm is the best way for us to fully experience everything it has to offer. I went to a club once, and I’m almost positive they tend to open after dark, but things must be different here in Greece. Let’s go noon clubbing!!! No, clubs are the same here as everywhere, we will not be going to one today. It’s a good thing “clubbing” isn’t on our list of things you must do while in Greece, or we would have been devastated.

Paradise Beach

For our limited time here on Mykonos we’re headed to a place called “Paradise Beach.” Just the sort of name you would give to a place that will hopefully be pleasant, scenic, and allow us to consume adult beverages while doing absolutely nothing that reminds us of productivity. First, we’ll have to get there and we are told by a nice lady that her van is taking people in to paradise beach for a mere 2 euro per person. Just like that, we’re on our way, and the day of lazy has gotten off to a wonderful start.

Things about Mykonos:
- Everything is under construction, but nothing is being actively constructed. There are beginnings of buildings and extensions and renovations everywhere, but it’s 10am on a Wednesday, and these construction sites are abandoned.
- It is a desert island. There are trees, but they don't feel like they belong.
- There is apparently one main road here, and it would be a one lane road just about anywhere else, but here it is treated as a two lane road easily wide enough for a tour bus in either lane.

Paradise Beach is a 30 minute drive from the dock. The road we must take to get there is terrifying, but our driver is unfazed. There is nothing that concerns this man less than the site of a wide tour bus challenging us to a game of chicken. We try not to pay attention. If we die, hopefully it will be quick. 

We pass shops and homes on the way, but there is very little life off the main road so we get the impression of a ghost town with a busy road running through it. The beach is apart from the rest of the island. Literally, there is a large fence that separates this beach from everything else. This is a purposeful deception. No one would want to hang out here if it were under construction. We find a couple of padded lounge chairs among a sea of padded lounge chairs and are immediately approached by a waitress about drinks. Yes! Apparently, this place turns into a popular club when the sun goes down and there's evidence in an alcohol bottle graveyard near the entrance.

Alcohol Bottle Graveyard

Drinks

After some lounging, we make our way out to the water. As in Corfu, and Santorini, the water is just about as perfect as you could imagine. We climb on a large rock that spans the width of the beach sitting just under the water. Kim tests her waterproof phone case and takes pictures of the rock’s edge and the fish swimming around us. When we get back to our chairs and drinks, we are approached by a very serious looking man with a portable credit card machine and a clipboard. His English isn’t great, but after awhile, we work out that we owe him money for sitting on this beach. He claims there is a sign that warns us of this near the entrance, which is BS. We pay the man, but it’s a little lame. It’s obvious they send someone with a very slight grasp of the language to collect money in an effort avoid questions about a charge with no warnings. Oh well, let’s get another drink.

In the front seat of our overcrowded van

After a good amount of time being lazy we head back to the other side the fence to catch a van back to port. There is a line of 40 people or so waiting for a ride. We have estimated the van’s capacity at around 30, so it looks like we’ll be waiting for the next one.  The operators of the van company see things differently. They manage to squeeze us all in with only most of the people in position to die should we get into a minor traffic accident. I’m sitting in the passenger seat with Kim on my lap; we’re trying to avoid thinking about head on collisions. At least the drinks at the beach were strong.

When we open our eyes, we’ve somehow made it back to the relative safety of our floating home away from home.

Santorini

View from the Top

Stop two on our cruise is Santorini. What are now multiple islands was once one large piece of land until a volcano at its center erupted violently awhile back causing a large portion of its interior to sink into the ocean. The resulting coastline looks exceedingly uninviting to prospective settlers. Our first sight of the white block houses and buildings huddled close together and clinging impossibly to the top of the cliffs on that coastline is something to see. At first, it looks like the cliffs are capped with snow. But it's 190 degrees, how is that possible?

30 second lesson

We take a ferry to the coast and every bit closer the white structures and their barnacle-like presence on these ridiculous cliffs seems more miraculous and awe inspiring. Who was the first guy with the guts to even propose attempting this?

We attach ourselves to the back of a long line we hope will lead us to the cable cars that take people to the top of the 1000ft cliffs and to civilization. In the meantime, we melt in the most ridiculous heat and humidity combined with a complete absence of flowing air while loud men attempt to persuade us that a donkey ride up the cliff would be better, as there is currently no line. We stay in the line.

Sharing the Road with Donkeys

Like everything we’ve seen in Greece so far, the cable cars seem in need of some maintenance, and do not inspire much confidence. We arrive at the top (alive) and assess the cluster of white buildings up close for the first time. The streets are extremely narrow, groups of donkeys are led through shopping plazas, and though it is all extremely chaotic, no one seems stressed. There are expensive looking jewelry stores in the middle of all this, and nice looking restaurants with views of the water. From the top, we can see beautifully blue pools that contrast the white sea of buildings. And there are donkeys, did I mention the donkeys? 

Dave and Brittany want to rent ATVs so we search for a place. Yes, I’m going to attempt to navigate an ATV through this madness. 

Looking Very Very Cool

It starts with a 30 second lesson, I get a helmet, now I’m on an ATV, Kim is behind me holding on, and I’m merging into traffic… where is the brake on this thing?

Despite the obvious peril of being in control of this random vehicle driving on cliff edges, sharing too-narrow roads with large buses threatening to run us over constantly, I’m having a pretty damn good time. We drive around all day just taking in the views, getting a bit lost and sort of going in some kind of direction.



What do you suppose this sign is trying to say?

We end up at a black sand beach where we hang out for awhile. This area feels less like the rest of the island and much more like a normal beach you might find in California. Except there are no waves, and the ground under the water is solid volcanic rock instead of sand. Kim buys corn on the cob from a street vendor and Dave and Brittany put black sand in a water bottle for a souvenir. 

On the trek back to the boat we get a little lost. The sun is going down, most of the streets are one way and we're not exactly sure which direction is which. Miraculously, the ATV rental place appears on our left. The gentleman who trained me seems genuinely surprised to see me and his ATV in one piece.

The line for the cable cars is way too long so we opt for the donkey road. It doesn't smell great, and Kim is hilariously terrified of donkeys for some reason, but there are some great views on the way down.

That's Our Boat!!!

Back on the boat, we have dinner at one of the 10 restaurants and call it a night.

Corfu

Our ship docked at the small tropical island of Corfu at 8:00am Eastern European time. Not having anything resembling a plan, we exited our boat and followed everyone else onto a bus. The bus dropped us at a larger bus station where hordes of tourists hurried about looking stressed about having to be somewhere very soon and not being entirely sure how to get there. Amidst this chaotic scene we spied Dave and Brittany who suggested we rent a car together. A British tourist with a large group overheard us, looked flustered, and warned that there weren’t any rental cars left. Undeterred, I asked a man behind a counter if he wouldn’t mind renting us a car for the day. As luck would have it, there was one car left, and it was a convertible. The man gave us a map, circled some places we should go, and we were on our way.

Convertible

Our first taste of Greece, Corfu feels like a cramped, Tijuana-like place for a few miles before breaking out into a sort of run down island paradise that reminds me of the 2^nd Jurassic Park movie for some reason. We head to a beach on the other side of the island recommended by the gentleman who rented us the convertible. Hopefully, it’s far enough away from the port that we won’t run into too many of our sort (tourists). 

On the way, we look for a place to buy water. A gas station with a sign that says MINI MARKET looks promising so we stop. An old woman comes out to pump our gas and is so efficient, she has our gas cap removed before we can tell her we are only interested in water. As we walk into the “Mini Market” we notice there is only car oil for sale. The woman, confused that we are leaving without purchasing anything looks at Kim for an explanation. Kim points to the sign and say “Mini Market” to which the woman responds “No, no mini market.” Welcome to Greece.

As we get closer to the opposite coast, the road narrows, people in Vespas try desperately to kill themselves squeezing between cliffs and large tour busses, and I try not to drive off of or into anything. The coastline is beautiful. There are 3 coves with white sand beaches surrounded by cliffs.

Our Cove

We park at one and a man approaches us about a boat tour of caves along the coast. Apparently, the boat is just now leaving. It seems like the only boat in the cove, and we didn't have any better ideas, so we decide to go for it. It turns out; he always says the boat is just now leaving. 20 minutes later, when the boat is a few people beyond its reasonable capacity, we set off.

Is that how loud boat engines usually are? Is this the top speed? Were those twenty other boats giving tours, moving faster, at a much lower decimal level all hiding when we signed up for this? The tour isn't a total bust; there are caves all around the place, most of the coastline belongs on a post card or a screensaver.

View from the Boat

View from the Boat

We were a little depressed though when we saw a paddle boat floating around with a freaking slide on it that it turns out we could’ve rented for a quarter the price of our tour.  After a quick dip in the ocean, we got a table at a restaurant that overlooked the cove. We see a few things you only see in places like this:
- A man in a captain's hat, with a giant white mustache, smoking a cigar while treading water in the middle of the cove
- A herd of goats being guided down the right lane of the main road, causing a traffic jam
- Did I mention there was a paddle boat with a slide on it we could've rented had we been more savvy tourists?

By the time we finish eating we realize our time on the island is running short. We get back in our awesome convertible and drive the 30 minutes back to the correct side of the island. After a bit more exploring in a decidedly less visually appealing part of the island, we decide to head back to the boat.

Cruise: Day at Sea

We got our room and found a note on the desk. “Welcome, you have purchased the unlimited drink package.” This is wonderful news! We did not purchase the unlimited drink package, but if they think we did, it would be silly to argue. Off to find a bar and test the limits of this “unlimited drink package.” We do a quick recon of our ship’s facilities before settling at a poolside bar. Sitting next to us is a couple about our age and we strike up a conversation. Dave and Brittany are also newlyweds on their honeymoon from Ontario, Canada. We took a liking to them immediately, had many drinks with them, dinner eventually, more drinks, and ended up hanging out with them all day. At some point, I got food from the buffet while we waited for an elevator.

Chicken with Mac n Cheese is the best "waiting in the lobby" food

Cruise ships are great. There is food everywhere and it’s always ready, drinks are unlimited, we’ve just made new friends, and we’re feeling pretty good about the next 7 days.

Main Lobby

Our first full day on the cruise would be a day at sea. Nothing to do but relax. We found the gym and worked up a sweat before surveying our buffet options and indulging. Note: Spending 1 hour at a gym fully justifies all sloth for a minimum of 24 hours. Our new Canadian friends found us sun bathing on the top deck around noon. An hour of Ping Pong, maybe 2 hours of Piña Coladas in the pool, a nap, a little more ship exploring, dinner, and off to bed. Super exciting day!!!

Pools

Venice: First Impressions

This place is a movie set. Or an elaborate play put on for everyone visiting. Right? There’s no way it’s real. The buildings, the crazy people outside every restaurant trying desperately to get you to come in (they all seem to have the same menu), gelato is everywhere, the guys who drive the gondolas all wear the striped shirts you expect them to. The only thing that throws off the illusion is the street vendors. You can buy a designer handbag or a selfie stick or whatever else on every corner.

The Grand Canal on Arrival

We had pizza at a nice looking restaurant a little ways away from our hotel. I’m not sure what I was expecting in my first genuine Italian pizza, but it was underwhelming. The service was interesting too, but that would turn out to be more of an Italian thing than this restaurant specifically. We got gelato on waffle cones after dinner and sat on the edge of a canal, enjoying the view. Movie set or not, it’s beautiful, especially after dark.

From a Bridge Near the Hotel

I woke up early for a run. The idea was to circle the island(s?) a bit to get a feel for it (them?). Running along the coast I just sort of zoned out and took in the scene. The city was a zoo when we called it a night, now it’s a ghost town. I feel like I’m the only one here. There are so many bridges. A few of them are literally bridges to dead ends. St. Mark’s square is impossible. How did these buildings get here? The city is surrounded by water; the streets are rarely wider than 10 feet. It just seems silly that anyone would think of building something so amazing in this spot of all places. There’s a beautiful little park on the southeast corner of the island(s) with what must be every tree in the whole city that feels just as out of place. It’s totally overgrown and it makes me think of a zombie apocalypse.

Now I’m lost. I’m crossing bridge after bridge and running into dead ends through narrow alleys surrounded by buildings that make it impossible to tell where the sun is for a sense of direction. I looked at a map before heading out and I thought I had a pretty good idea where to go after the park. There doesn’t seem to be any way to cross this particular canal. I’m going to be lost forever. We’re going to miss our cruise. This whole trip is going to be ruined! Hey, there’s a bridge. Now I just need to cross one more canal and I’ll be back at the hotel. Wait, is that the hotel? I made it!!! I’m not going to die lost in Venice trying endlessly to cross a canal with no bridges in a city with a million bridges!

 

We headed for the boat as early as we could and checked in to what would be our home for the next 7 nights.

Travel Day(s): Chino Hills to LAX to Montreal to Rome to Venice in 30 hours

We decided to stay up all night. We would be arriving in Rome at 8am local time after leaving our apartment at 4am the day before. We figured the only way to get on the right schedule was to go without sleep for one night and attempt as much sleep as possible during the 14 combined hours of flying it would take to get to Italy.

My dad picked us up a 4:15am Pacific Standard Time at our apartment in Chino Hills. He volunteered for this ridiculous job; waking up at a stupid hour to drive 30 minutes to pick us up, an hour to LAX and more than an hour back to Ontario to start a full work day. I would’ve called in sick, and considering the psychological torture he endured navigating the drop-off area at LAX before his brain realized it was no longer dreaming, I think it would’ve been entirely justified.

As we waited the 2 hours in the LAX international terminal for our flight to begin boarding I thought I noticed a haggard, homeless looking man sort of aimlessly staring in my direction out of my periphery. I looked up, and he quickly looked down at his phone. Upon further inspection I decided this homeless man looked familiar. I followed my suspicion to IMDB and confirmed that he was indeed Thomas Middleditch from the HBO show Silicon Valley. I was very excited to make a celebrity sighting and texted Chase (Huge fan of Silicon Valley) to brag. As we basked in the glow of the reflected celebrity obtained by sitting near such a man we noticed another familiar face walking past us to order at the very restaurant which had recently taken my order, standup comedian and sometimes actor Brian Posehn.

I’ll wait for you to look it up… You recognize him right?

In this space of time, we had become very cool indeed, and being as cool as we now were, we knew not to say hi, or ask for pictures, or claim undying love as Chase suggested we should. We just sat there with the knowledge that we were awesome and tried not to fall asleep into our food. Both of the gentlemen here mentioned were again sited at our gate waiting for the flight to Montreal as were a small collection of vaguely recognizable comedian types we overheard talking about performing at some festival. We Googled it and found no such festival scheduled anywhere near Montreal any time in the next month. This must have been the most exclusive and amazing comedy festival ever if even Google didn’t know about it. And now I’m writing about it, so will surely be kicked out of the cool people club for letting regular people in on the secret.

We passed out immediately on takeoff. But, as anyone who has ever attempted sleep on a plane will tell you, there is no such thing as a comfortable position in which to lose consciousness hurtling through the air at fantastic speeds in a cramped metal tube and sitting in the back row (just behind the jet engines doing the excessively loud propelling). So, while there was technically sleep, it was short and unfulfilling all together.

We arrived in Montreal at 3:30 Eastern Standard Time and had a little more than 2 hours to kill before our next boarding. We ate at a fairly upscale (for an airport) restaurant called Archibald’s. The thing that immediately stuck me about Canada was that everyone was speaking French, the TV’s were showing the Tour de France in French, and I don’t have a third example of things I immediately noticed so this list feels incomplete.  I had heard that Canadians like to put mayonnaise on everything. If our restaurant is representative of Canada in general, this is true. Calamari? Mayo. French Fries? Mayo. Burger? Mayo. I saw the table next to us had ordered a pizza and while I didn’t necessarily see mayo anywhere near it, I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that the pizza sauce was somehow mayo-infused. I see no problem with any of this. Mayonnaise is wonderful and should be a part of every meal.

Other things noticed at the Montreal Airport that are more than likely representative of Canada in general based on my incredible knowledge of a country I have not visited outside of these 2 hours:
- Ketchup packets are an actual serving size! So you don’t need 4 of them to get the correct amount of ketchup for your fries! Also, Ketchup tastes somehow maple infused, which is wonderful.
- The US dollar is worth a bit more than the Canadian dollar. So, if you are charged $40 for lunch, it’s actually like $37.
- (From our return trip) All Burger Kings are out of ranch at the moment but they promise they usually have it.

We boarded our scheduled 8 hour flight to Rome at 6pm. We were dismayed when we noticed the seats had no entertainment system and I was further dismayed when I sat down and my knees hit the seat in front of me with no room to spare. Our pilot came on the speaker to welcome us and to apologize in advance that there would be a slight delay of 15-20 minutes while an issue with the air conditioning was addressed. No matter, Kim and I were running on very little sleep and the quiet would make it easy to pass out. We woke what seemed like 5 hours later to another announcement. “I’m sure by now you’ve all realized that the 15 to 20 minute delay is now 90 minutes and we’re still waiting for service. There was a crew here a minute ago but it looks like they went to lunch. Because of our delay, we’re going to have to take a different route to Rome, which might take a little longer.”

It is 11:00am Central European time and we’re just getting off our plane. This is a problem. We purchased tickets for a train to Venice leaving Rome at 11:30. It seemed like a good plan when we booked a flight that landed at 8:00. Now it’s not looking as good. If we can get through customs and get our bags fast enough, we may just make it.

Now it’s 12:00. We’re hoping there’s someone at the train station who speaks English and might be able to transfer our tickets. Nope. We get tickets for a train that’s leaving… now. Running with lots of bags and… we made it! Now just sit back and we’ll be in Venice just a little late at 5:30. Wrong. There are a few delays and we end up in Venice at 7:00.

Mercifully, the hotel we had booked was only a few hundred yards from the train station and we walk in, exhausted. 30 hours after leaving our apartment, we made it.